Thoughts

sometimes its funny to realize and suddenly comprehend about thoughts that rush in my mind like a stone falling from the height towards gravity. I know i am not all thoughts that come sipping in my mind,nor all thoughts that passes by.Yet thoughts are so powerful that despite trying my best  it manages to take all of my time.
For instance the moment i open my eyes, i think about getting up, cooking, then may be reading on the way and suddenly i  find myself in conflict with myself in deciding what shall i read the journal which i left incomplete the day before or the book i just started and i give myself all the reason why should i and why shouldn't i, after that i think about all the undone work left at the desk yesterday. I see my watch 15 minutes passed , then i suddenly remember ,i need to buy a shampoo, i think about various products their effect on my hair and somehow i find myself thinking about the recent advertisement about  "clinic all clear" i find myself  smiling ,happy, and i take out my mobile from the drawer and start clicking picture,in  various facial pose.I hear my dad praying at next room , i convenience myself that i am wasting my time. So, i wake up do chant mantras and i find myself infront of bathroom mirror.
The cold weather  brings  chillness to ones body, but for me it  brings dreams, i stare at mirror with blankness in my eyes but my mind i swear is its at peak zenith of  its working, until the moment i hear my mom banging the door and i realize i have been thinking. The frost on glasses of window the coldness of water and soon  arrival of snow , the word 'snow' activated my dormant mind and  i started thinking about the  building snowman this winter, i thought of all things required to build it , thought about my brother who might  help me to build . I smiled again, and get out of bathroom just to see everyone  having breakfast. when things don't go as as thought there is disappointment but i leave it for the next day to start.
On the way the book reading is superseded with the thought of me being a collector,and then i think  how i will work as collector and bring changes in the bus, i think of the dustbin, the glasses, ventilator, commuters  until i  reach office and realize that all i did the whole time was thinking.

Its difficult you see

Waking up has become a herculean task nowadays,unwillingly i wake up every morning by 6:30 am , grab a tea and look outside my balcony, and soon i will hear a horn, a peep , looking down ,it was the "city bus" following it's unusual timing. "Unusual" because sometimes its arrives too early and sometimes it too late, on the less traveled  Dangrina road , confusing and often infuriating daily commuters .I get ready and start my day.Waiting has become a  part of my routine, so i stand near the electric pole  with the board signed "BUS STOP HERE". Following  the curvy road  finally  it arrives , today it was the new collector , a young lad in mid twenties with well pomaded  hair smiles and  opens the door . He asked  me weather i have a ticket or not to which answered yes. The bus continued its journey, as i sit near the window,giving myself a visual feast , i wish i could travel  forever.Soon the bus become a locomotive hub of social gossips, with all type of people getting in ,the collector who seemed well polished while opening door like a dignified urbane man shortly after four or five stops was seen fighting ," Its rule " he shouts, at the man  trying to  get on the bus at taba stop. Angry,irritated  yet alert he tries best to stop passenger from the overcrowding bus. " Its difficult you see  " he comments after closing the door.

Rest of my journey i was comprehending on what the collector said because someday's despite having tickets i have to wait, and waiting in this cold is difficult and struggle doesn't end here competing to get in bus is difficult , once you get in getting seat is very difficult , followed by standing for 30 minutes after tiring day is difficult ,but out of all of this difficulties after getting in suddenly , the  ticket collector ask you to get out  just because the number of passenger exceeded leads to disappointment, some people started fighting with the collector , making the situation difficult for him.Suddenly  there was jerk, and the bus stopped and i found myself at bus station, it was already 8:30.I got out of the bus,and as i stood some paces away and looked down the station i saw people rushing to get in the bus ,"its difficult, you see ".

change

  

Well i stopped writing , because "writing isn't easy, a series of yes and  no's, do's and dont's of  english grammer, no wonder one tend to lose out what  one intends to be meant "  that is what i would preferably say if asked ,laminating my laziness  up-to the height of concealing .

If asked why,  write again ? may be then i wont be able confute much with battle of conflicted mind and the truth may sputter out like ,"well you see , months has been over i haven't penned down what i feel ,and life past few months have been a revolution for me , time just slips away without me noticing how? i wont have noticed , may be never  thought about it , if it wasn't chills of ending autumn and arriving winter make me cover myself way up my office , if it wasn't the gleaming sun rays which enters my window by 10 am seems to delay its arrival , if it wasn't the landlady  of house behind my office screaming her son  for increase in electricity bills , for forgetting to put off geyser .last year same time,same date, i was busy preparing for my second last semester projects  and this time i am sitting on my designated seat writing report. You see , how much difference of increment of year for 2014 to 2015 have brought in my life. So, as i was going through my old email id , i saw few poems , few unended stories written , so i decided as time does it work to pass without  giving a notice i will write so as to  set a reminder that  when i look back i know ,i lived every moment.