Thoughts

sometimes its funny to realize and suddenly comprehend about thoughts that rush in my mind like a stone falling from the height towards gravity. I know i am not all thoughts that come sipping in my mind,nor all thoughts that passes by.Yet thoughts are so powerful that despite trying my best  it manages to take all of my time.
For instance the moment i open my eyes, i think about getting up, cooking, then may be reading on the way and suddenly i  find myself in conflict with myself in deciding what shall i read the journal which i left incomplete the day before or the book i just started and i give myself all the reason why should i and why shouldn't i, after that i think about all the undone work left at the desk yesterday. I see my watch 15 minutes passed , then i suddenly remember ,i need to buy a shampoo, i think about various products their effect on my hair and somehow i find myself thinking about the recent advertisement about  "clinic all clear" i find myself  smiling ,happy, and i take out my mobile from the drawer and start clicking picture,in  various facial pose.I hear my dad praying at next room , i convenience myself that i am wasting my time. So, i wake up do chant mantras and i find myself infront of bathroom mirror.
The cold weather  brings  chillness to ones body, but for me it  brings dreams, i stare at mirror with blankness in my eyes but my mind i swear is its at peak zenith of  its working, until the moment i hear my mom banging the door and i realize i have been thinking. The frost on glasses of window the coldness of water and soon  arrival of snow , the word 'snow' activated my dormant mind and  i started thinking about the  building snowman this winter, i thought of all things required to build it , thought about my brother who might  help me to build . I smiled again, and get out of bathroom just to see everyone  having breakfast. when things don't go as as thought there is disappointment but i leave it for the next day to start.
On the way the book reading is superseded with the thought of me being a collector,and then i think  how i will work as collector and bring changes in the bus, i think of the dustbin, the glasses, ventilator, commuters  until i  reach office and realize that all i did the whole time was thinking.

Its difficult you see

Waking up has become a herculean task nowadays,unwillingly i wake up every morning by 6:30 am , grab a tea and look outside my balcony, and soon i will hear a horn, a peep , looking down ,it was the "city bus" following it's unusual timing. "Unusual" because sometimes its arrives too early and sometimes it too late, on the less traveled  Dangrina road , confusing and often infuriating daily commuters .I get ready and start my day.Waiting has become a  part of my routine, so i stand near the electric pole  with the board signed "BUS STOP HERE". Following  the curvy road  finally  it arrives , today it was the new collector , a young lad in mid twenties with well pomaded  hair smiles and  opens the door . He asked  me weather i have a ticket or not to which answered yes. The bus continued its journey, as i sit near the window,giving myself a visual feast , i wish i could travel  forever.Soon the bus become a locomotive hub of social gossips, with all type of people getting in ,the collector who seemed well polished while opening door like a dignified urbane man shortly after four or five stops was seen fighting ," Its rule " he shouts, at the man  trying to  get on the bus at taba stop. Angry,irritated  yet alert he tries best to stop passenger from the overcrowding bus. " Its difficult you see  " he comments after closing the door.

Rest of my journey i was comprehending on what the collector said because someday's despite having tickets i have to wait, and waiting in this cold is difficult and struggle doesn't end here competing to get in bus is difficult , once you get in getting seat is very difficult , followed by standing for 30 minutes after tiring day is difficult ,but out of all of this difficulties after getting in suddenly , the  ticket collector ask you to get out  just because the number of passenger exceeded leads to disappointment, some people started fighting with the collector , making the situation difficult for him.Suddenly  there was jerk, and the bus stopped and i found myself at bus station, it was already 8:30.I got out of the bus,and as i stood some paces away and looked down the station i saw people rushing to get in the bus ,"its difficult, you see ".

change

  

Well i stopped writing , because "writing isn't easy, a series of yes and  no's, do's and dont's of  english grammer, no wonder one tend to lose out what  one intends to be meant "  that is what i would preferably say if asked ,laminating my laziness  up-to the height of concealing .

If asked why,  write again ? may be then i wont be able confute much with battle of conflicted mind and the truth may sputter out like ,"well you see , months has been over i haven't penned down what i feel ,and life past few months have been a revolution for me , time just slips away without me noticing how? i wont have noticed , may be never  thought about it , if it wasn't chills of ending autumn and arriving winter make me cover myself way up my office , if it wasn't the gleaming sun rays which enters my window by 10 am seems to delay its arrival , if it wasn't the landlady  of house behind my office screaming her son  for increase in electricity bills , for forgetting to put off geyser .last year same time,same date, i was busy preparing for my second last semester projects  and this time i am sitting on my designated seat writing report. You see , how much difference of increment of year for 2014 to 2015 have brought in my life. So, as i was going through my old email id , i saw few poems , few unended stories written , so i decided as time does it work to pass without  giving a notice i will write so as to  set a reminder that  when i look back i know ,i lived every moment.

HELDIN

I had heard about the city long time back through the tongues of human...,perfect world don't exist and  being  erudite as me cannot be deceived, but for the first time as I enter the magnificent gate I was astonished , not by the gate but the beauty beyond, for the moment I was confused , awestruck ,is my eyes deceiving me?... no beauty in the world could be compared it was a paradise indeed. I stepped on the clear road with not even a tint of dust and I saw people starring at me ... for a moment  i thought may be because  I was a new  to the  city but  as the  walked number  of starry eyes multiplying ....i looked at myself and them  again and again and again …..footwear!  a small boy  shouted and I just noticed my footwear  had been under action of ‘wear and tear’as  a result of long journey.

I ran faster than the wind with accelerating speed  ,searching for a footwear store  , thank god ! I got one, as I entered I  was almost covered by a beauties, one of them  took me with her ,soon after I saw myself amidst a range of  footwear  she asked me which one ,I had no answer  believe me  it was more tougher to choose shoes then to answer  whom do I love more mother  or father ,because  you know if you say you do love your mother  your  father will be disheartened but somehow your parents knows you love them equally so , you won’t  regret your answer. But as of now I, have to choose   not between two or three but among  thousands  ,I made  three rounds looking at everything  helplessly  and finally I  decided  I went  to the center of room ,closed my eyes and pointed in one direction  and I choose a yellow one , yellow eh! I said to my hostess yes! my dear sir ,

                                Yellow, yellow my dear fellow

                                 Color of sun the strength

                                 Color of deep grasses in the shallow

                                  Intricate pattern, finest golden thread

                                  Blended with expertise hand..

                                  Its nothing but,

                                Kings, emperors wear....

Really ?  I will take it, when I came out ,every inch of my body perspired, the price my god  seriously activated  whole of my cells as  if  someone asked  me to climb Mt.Everest in a day .But I just remembered it’s a kings wear so, its fine. As I  walked in the  city I saw everyone reading, writing,painting shopkeeper,gatekeeper,kids...its great .I mean I like it but everything seems so silent ,peaceful...

As the day ended  ,the flashing light street light, the  melodious cacophony  created a enchanting   atmosphere ,somebody suggested me   to go to cliff  egre   place were  we can get the best view  of city ,after a long hours  walking  against the cold  north wind   I saw it the city  finally. I looked up at the stars I counted the stars  ,but I could  see more stars  in the city .The cold wind blew  but I was lost in  the moment looked at my  footwear  I wondered  whether  kings and emperors really do wear  this footwear, it’s not bad I means its good much better than the one I do normally but... its fine its over I thought and suddenly I  heard    a heavy breath   getting near and near …at a moment I thought it be a monster but monster did’t seem realistic may be a man eater ....everything assimilated in each of my body  got disintegrated ,  and suddenly I heard hey! Pull me up!...then vividly I saw a had raising \ near my feet ,I jumped then I don’t know suddenly I pulled  a  shadow perhaps.Thanks! I was just climbing this cliff but suddenly I  lost the grip thanks ....this is “amar” yours? my name is....leave it who cares..thanks and next moment shadow  was gone....

Did I  just dream?    Was   it a ghost  ?    befallen   angels ?angels? it doesn’t seem  realistic, god save me ? I began to  make myself small as possible  I wish  I could vanish that very instant, but  I  know this thing won’t happen, I ran fast as I could, my footwear  for god knows was a hinder ,I had to pull it off ,and  run. I  got a cab and  went to search for a  place to sleep, I knew I had limitations in terms of finance so, I opted for something cheaper. I walked in the city along the pathways ,avenues, were to I know not, it’s like  I left every thing in the hands of god. Finally I  saw a  small   tunnel , I decided to  spent my night there.Night was creepy , I saw no one , I closed my eyes and I don’t know  I  felt as if I had a great night. I love sleeping  not because it soothes thine body ,but because this is something am good at webbing dreams  , great people dream ,so do I .....

HELDIN

'contd....

people beside being great musician are logophile,their love for words are so profound that even the normal conversation is  quite poetic ....years before i remember on my way to silbouaplait , i  met one  silbouaplaitian   who seemed introvert,  while walking in woods ,we were met by a feeble wind  .we sat under the tree to rest ...i decided to take a nap but i found that man lost ..,lost in his world..i wondered and asked ..then he replies

                      the winds blowing from west....
                      palpates the beautiful leaves...
                      and tree dances on rhythm of wind...
                      soothing travelers eyes...
                      when it touches my beautiful sweetheart...
                      blows her hair .....
                      more her beauty glows ...
                      as if her hair dances over ....
                      captivate my souls, far beyond my reach....

wow, i was awestruck, seriously i never noticed it ,and for moment i wondered  about this man ,i never thought he could say that so beautifully,  especially from man  who seems so cold.Out of curiosity i just asked how can do this ?do this in the sense umm....? so fast?  now with biggest curve on his face he said, we learned it ,learned ?,"observe ,compare,feel..........'words are beautiful,just make it expressive'..".that last line caught me "make it expressive",and now with biggest smile over my face i can say i do play with words though am not well versed in it....

                              white,blue,white and blue
                              walls facing content eyes..
                              empty room,empty table
                               round full,round and full
                             food makes my tummy full..
                          in empty room ,in empty table

this one is the recent of my writings.thanks to that man he motivated me..
                             
                   
                                 
                             
           

HELDIN

"THIS IS A BRAVE STORY ......IT  HAS WARS,LOVE,SACRIFICE, VILLAIN....AND A MAIN  PROTAGONIST ..........IS SAME YET DIFFERENT"

Blood sheds ,lifeless  body , dusty atmosphere, concoction of sound -pain,anger,hatred,fear , filled this land ....The land of king optius .

 "sil-bou-splait."   the country known in all the world as country of peace,Ruled by the legendary heroes i.e his father the late king schedulus,his great grandfather the late king lebles  whom optius is proud of  being the 23 years in line. "sil-bou-splait  is my heart , you my people are my soul" ,this is how he always addresses his people, but after that he goes like... i had chicken in the breakfast today,yes!chicken my cook pituro brought it for me,he then grins and searches for piturio his cook from corner of his eyes, then after sometimes if he cant get him he calls like a insane man pituro ! pituro ! ....untill his chief soldier  in command gets pituro...and he  then starts addressing pituro .This is pituro my cloth ,he is strong,intelligent,faithfull and....er....he thinks and then people all over says brave...ahh..yes! thank you my fellas..and hugs pituro...and then continues  this man ..seriously this man makes me increase one pound everytime i eat his meal..and now am of 200 pounds i.e in  one year i  have gained 40 pound ...and seriously my queens loves me the way i look  hahahaha....then people follows by hahaahh.....then he continue with lunch .., his queen and then dinner till bed....then again ends with  "sil-bou-splait  is my heart , you my people are my soul"...this wasn't a normal routine if it was so then the people would have stopped working because it takes a whole day to listen and by now every one knows about the kings speech by heart,because its the same speech all the time just that his weight figures is changing  ...increasing  the concern for physicians  because the king is just  4ft 9 inches tall.....The king have good humor don't he? 

 The rules was what makes the 'silbousplait'  appealing  than rest of world.Because it have no rules yes! no rules .The whole country follows one philosophy in THE THREE OATH

                    "TAKING THINGS  THAT'S NOT YOURS IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH"

                    "LYING  WILL MAKE YOU DUMB"

                    "YOU FIGHT YOU GET KILLED"

                  

so when anybody  attains an age of 12 the are made to take vows of  "  The Three oath". And for the  convenience  "THE THREE OATH " are to painted or written on every door in the country even the palace doors, no rules is a Utopian concept that may not seem realistic but  here in "silbousplait" it works.the last incident anybody found guilty was a  man name halous who was found  lying  and sadly his tongue was cut off that was about  five years back. Anybody wishing to see his tongue can  visit "the museum of criminal" were still now halous tongue is preserved in a glass beneath which a stone carved with "LYING WILL MAKE YOU DUMB":-Mr halous.

king optius and all his attendants love arts especially the art of dancing.and the king himself is one of the best belly dancer people all over the country come to see him do belly dancing.The queen herself is no less  ..no wonder they are perfect match .The walls of everyone well decorated,the rooms well  furnished,as a day break everyone goes to their works well as night falls lavish and exquisite meals fills every table music, dance everywhere. As the moon is at brightest at midnight  a traveler passing by cannot pass by without having a second glace over this city, like a diamond vibrant it shines

                                                                                                                                             contn..

BREATHLESS

                                                
The sight that fills…

the eyes that twinkle…
the heart that flutters……
like a, traveler in a deserted land ,finds water…
the weary eyes sees a person long forgotten…….
Like a autumn wind blowing the leaves…..
Thou love that shines….
Deep rooted ,deep seated……
Somewhere thy cant find
May be ones soul……
Person unknown…, unbound to it…
Atrociously denies its presence…..

For a person who feels…
Knows the best……
Life is a or-gamy….
Whether its west or north winds…..
The flight that test….
One’s soul….
For the fact lies…..
Today or tomorrow…
All we need is …..
Happily ever after….



A Fairy tale that never ends……
AS I see him now……
A visage that distinguishes….
The tongue that chatters…..
All in one remain breathless….!
Maybe he is the one ..

Who makes me BREATHLESS……..